So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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