I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
