My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
