i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
