I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
