You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
