this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
