We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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