why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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