She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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