The maid of honor just puked.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
