Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
