I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
