omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
