I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize