i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
