Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
