wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
