If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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