Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
