I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
