she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize