this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
