We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
