This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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