Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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