Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
