is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
