After last night, I could never be a politician.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
