things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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