Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
