he thought i was a dude.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
