I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
