My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
