You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
