This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
