I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
