I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
