you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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