What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize