it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
