I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
