I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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