I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize