I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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