I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
