He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
