i would punch a child for taco bell
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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