ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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