Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
