you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you will always have a special place in my vag
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
