Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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