that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are two peas in an std pod
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
