I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
