So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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