another moral hangover. fuck.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize