I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
