The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
