sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
