He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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