Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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