Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
