Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
