I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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