My girlfriend figured out who you are.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
