Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Blood and glitter go together right?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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