We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
