First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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