My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
