the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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