If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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