If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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