you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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