When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
