You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
