nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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