Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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