I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
