Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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