I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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