Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
