my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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