it's too hot outside to masturbate.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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