so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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