I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
