I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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