Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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