one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do vagina's smell?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
