i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
This house was built for laser tag.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
