My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
