five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
