also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
