Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
