i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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