weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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