smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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